(424) 744-3774

Couples Therapy

This is a photo of two hands, one male and the other female. Their pinkie fingers are hooked together. On the man's hand is a wedding ring. On the woman's hand is both an engagement ring and wedding ring.Are you and your partner thinking about getting married?

Congratulations! And congratulations on taking your relationship and commitment seriously enough to examine the important issues that couples can and do face throughout a marriage:

Expectations…
“If he loved me, he would know what I need.”
“We should be able to finish each other’s sentences.”
“If your relationship takes work, then it isn’t working.”

Everyone comes to marriage with expectations and belief systems that guide how we act and think. Understanding and managing our expectations is an important part of making marriages work.

Communication…
“You’re not listening.”
“Why don’t you understand?”
“Stop raising your voice.”

Communication is as much listening as it is speaking. Feeling heard and understood is often more crucial than agreeing, and it is through communication that compromise can be found. There are some techniques you can learn to improve your communication.

This is a photo of two women sitting next to each other. The woman on the left is white and she is wearing a grey plaid shirt. She is looking to her right and down. Her chin is resting on her right hand. The woman on the right is black and wearing a blue shirt over a white shirt. She is looking down at her phone which is in her right hand.Sex and intimacy…
Most of us have had sex education in school, and the taboo of premarital sex has largely lifted. Yet most couples don’t easily talk about their sex life… what they like or dislike. Learning to speak honestly about your sex life can lead to better sex, but equally important, it can help us avoid feeling lost when something isn’t going right.

Intimacy is more than the physical connection between partners. It involves allowing yourself to be vulnerable and truly trusting of another person. Intimacy involves accepting the other person for all that they are.

Sex and intimacy can be linked but are not synonymous.

In-laws…
And the out-laws… There are too many mother-in-law jokes to count. Navigating the relationship between our parents and our new spouse can be fraught with anxiety and tension, but it doesn’t have to be that way. We will examine the potential struggles that can arise when bringing families together and ways to mitigate problems.

Money and finances…
Money is complicated. It is so much more than currency. It is the manifestation of safety, security, guilt, shame, and envy. Conflict around money and spending is among the most common reasons marriage reaches a breaking point. Understanding what money represents to each of us and discussing how we plan to use and save money are important topics to address.

Religion…
Do you share the same religion, or do you bring a different religion to the relationship? There may be fewer obstacles when you share the same religious beliefs. However, there is still much to discuss, including religious observance and how to blend unique family traditions. When each of you brings different religious beliefs to the relationship, it will be important also to discuss bringing religious holiday celebrations into your home, family religious traditions, and what role religion will play when children are involved.

Children…
While you may not know for sure how you feel, it is essential to discuss whether the two of you want to have children, and if so, how many do you think you might want. If having biological children should prove difficult or impossible, are each of you willing to consider fostering children, adoption, or using a surrogate?

A photo of two men sitting at the bottom of a staircase. The man on the right is wearing grey pants with a grey shirt. He is looking down at his hands which are clasp together in front of him. The man on the right is looking at the man on the left. He is wearing blue jeans and blue shirt and a black beanie. He has a beard.Does your relationship feel stuck?

Do you remember the excitement and anticipation in the early stages of your relationship? You know… the good ole days when your heart skipped a beat when you saw each other… when you made time for each other… when you looked into each other’s eyes and really talked? The two of you had adventures together, binge-watched shows together, and held hands?

Fast forward to now. It’s harder to find the excitement of seeing each other when you have lived together all this time. Your careers are demanding, as are your children, and it’s hard to find the time to just BE with each other.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Sure, there are the demands of daily life, and the sight of your partner doesn’t always make you catch your breath. But, there is a wonderful place between a fresh new relationship and a feeling that it’s gone stale. Reconnecting is possible – wonderful.

I will help the two of you explore what is and isn’t working in your relationship. We will build a safe place to talk about where things are not going the way you want them. Through new communication tools, you will learn to speak to be heard and understood, and to listen to understand.

A photo of two children sitting on a couch facing the camera. The girl on the right is wearing a peach colored shirt and blue pants. The boy on the left is wearing green pants and a striped shirt. Both kids look upset and have their hands over their ears. In the foreground, but blurry are the bodies of a an and a woman who appear to be in an argument.Are you fighting about the same things over and over?

Communication is more than just words. It’s the tone of our voice, the way we stand and hold our body, what we do (or don’t do), and the look in our eyes.

True communication is as much about listening as it is about talking. It is about taking the time to communicate your wants and needs clearly… and being able to hear your partner’s wants and needs as well. Good communication involves curiosity and honesty.

You will learn more effective ways to communicate your needs and wants so that your partner can work to meet them. And, you will learn how to listen so that your partner feels heard and understood. You will learn how to have productive disagreements, and you will learn how to find a compromise.

A photo of two people who are sitting on a couch. You can not see their faces, only their bodies and their hands. In their hands they are holding a piece of paper which has the word trust written on it. The paper is ripped in half.Has your partner seriously violated your trust?

Infidelity, whether it involves a long-standing affair, a one-night stand, connecting with someone via the Internet, or retreating into pornography, seriously violates the respect and trust we put in each other and our commitment to the relationship.

Infidelity doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship. You can work together to reconnect and learn how to communicate openly. You can work together to rebuild the trust that was lost.

Marriages in crisis because of infidelity need special attention. We will explore places where the relationship has broken down and develop specific actions to repair the damage and build trust and respect. In addition, we will work to build communication skills that can help understand the current crisis and can be used down the road whenever conflict arises.

Sometimes infidelity is the tip of a much deeper iceberg, and staying together isn’t possible. If that’s the case, I can help you separate or divorce with dignity – in a way that respects your children’s need for loving relationships with both parents.

A close up photo of a man's hands. His right hand holds his wedding ring which he has taken off his left hand.The challenges you face in your relationship didn’t develop overnight…

… and they won’t disappear overnight. But, the journey to a healthy and loving relationship can be rewarding.

We all want to feel that we belong somewhere… with someone. When you are ready to reconnect and build the relationship you imagined you could have, I can help.

Relationships take work. The good news is that you’re now taking the first step.

You don’t have to struggle alone. I can help. Call me for a free 20-minute consultation: (424) 744-3774.